Husbands: A Call for Sacrificial Love - Pastor Daniel Batarseh (Ephesians Series)

Ephesians five twenty five. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Father, we come before you as we continue in this precious series on marriage. Lord, we simply ask that you would give us your heart and your mind concerning this. We especially pray for the men of this house, whether husbands or husbands to be, that you would grant us ears to hear what you have to say. We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

May be seated. If you're joining us for the first time since the past I believe just last week, we just started on our series of marriage from the book of Ephesians, and we decided together that how we are gonna approach this very important topic is that we were gonna do it like how you would build a puzzle. Instead of trying to tackle this issue and trying to get the general picture of marriage, we're gonna take it piece by piece. And every message every week is a contribution to this picture called marriage, and it's grander and fuller picture for us. And so as we go through these different weeks, I said this last week and I'll say it again.

You might come at the end of the message and think to yourself, well, there are some things that we're not touched on, and that's because we're gonna touch on as much as we can every single week. And so last week, we spoke on submission, and that's because we're going through what Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, is instructing the believers of Ephesus and of the church today. And this is the guideline for us understanding the masterpiece of marriage. And he begins by speaking about submission and and the contribution that that has, the beautiful element that it brings to a union between a man and a woman in relationship. And we touched on a specific illustration that I hope helped.

That marriage is designed in a specific way just like a car has been designed in a specific way. And a car has one driver's seat. And marriage has been built the same way that there is supposed to be one driver, not making that person more important than any others, but there's a specific responsibility and role that's been given to the driver of that car. And man has been given that responsibility as the head of the wife, as the head of the household. He is to be the driver, the one who initiates, the one who leads, the one who guides.

And it's no wonder that Satan himself has put so much effort into attacking manhood and attacking the roles, yes, of husband and wife, but particularly the husband. Think about it. If you're gonna attack anybody, would you not wanna attack the driver? Because in his hands, he has to control the direction of that entire car, that household, that relationship, the goals. Where is he going?

If if he can get the wife to fight for that driver's seat, he he can he can probably derail that car. But even if the wife respectfully understands her role and honors the role of the husband, the enemy can use so many different other tactics to bring the man to a place in which he is negligent of his responsibility. He can bring confusion. He can bring distraction. He can do so many things as long as the man is unfaithful in that role.

He can lead an entire family to destruction. He can lead an entire family. He can lead his wife into a place in which they do not experience the fullness of God for themselves. And so it's no accident again, just as a reminder that Ephesians chapter six is right after Ephesians chapter five. You better believe that Satan and his onslaughts are very much against the family, especially men.

Is it no wonder that there's such a great need for men today to rise up and to take their positions as the head of the house? And so men, just like last week, I wanna encourage you just as our sisters were hopefully encouraged last week, that as you share these different things, whether you are a husband today or you're planning to be a husband or you desire to be a husband, what you're about to hear, I pray that you would know that it is surrounded and sandwiched with with Ephesians chapter six that the enemy would love for you to get this idea of being a husband very wrong, but also be encouraged to know that it is backed by Ephesians chapter five eighteen. You are called to be filled with the spirit, that the Holy Spirit's here to help you. He's here to guide you. He's here to empower you.

He's here to give you what you need in order to fulfill this grand task of loving your wife. And our prayer together as we go through this series is what? That this house would produce men and women who would honor the manual of marriage as prescribed in the scriptures. Why is that important? Why is family life important?

Why why does Paul seem to go from this this different commands and now he comes to the nucleus of the family? Why? Because the nucleus of the family is foundational for society. You destroy the family, you destroy society. You destroy family, you destroy the church to some degree.

The church is made up of family. And so we need to understand that the foundation of any spiritual pursuit or standard must be met at the foundation of marriage. So if anything can summarize the role of a husband, because we understand that if you can summarize the role of a woman, her her central call as a wife, it is submit to your own husbands. Submit to your own husbands. And for the man, if we can also summarize what his call is as his foundational function as a husband, it is love your wives.

Love your wives. And now this is not a generic type of love. And you might be thinking that's an obvious command. Love your wife. That's an obvious command for any relationship.

Love one another. Love your enemies for goodness sake. So so why why is this even a suggestion or a command? Love your wives. I get it.

I'm supposed to love my wife. But be careful. This is not a generic type of love. Look at verse 21 again, Ephesians chapter five, where it says submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. And so there's a mutual common submission that is to be given by believers to one another.

But then right after we see that wives are to submit their own husbands. So so what's the deal there? How do we make the connection? Well, very simply this, that there is a unique expression of submission that is to be given by a wife to her husband, though there is still a command, a general understanding of submission as believers to one another. So Paul's saying, submit to your husbands.

Why? Because the priority and the object of your submission is ultimately to your husband above all else. Above your father, above your mother, above your siblings, above anybody, your husband receives the primary expression of your submission. And likewise, when it comes to loving your own wives' husbands, there is a general command for love in the scriptures. Walk in love.

We know this. This is foundational for the Christian faith. And so when we come to this, we can't understand it to be the general type of love. There is also like submission, a unique reservation of love that is to be showered upon your wife as a husband. It's a very specific type of love.

And and just like submission, the husband, yes, is the primary object of that wife submission. And likewise, husbands, the primary object of your love is your helpmate above all else. And we're about to find out that the husband is supposed to love as Christ loved the church. Now Jesus loves everyone, but there's a special attention, and a special grace, and a special relationship that he has with the church. Husbands, you are called yes to love as a Christian.

You are supposed to care for your family, your immediate family. You are supposed to care for your brothers and sisters in Christ, but you have to give special attention to your bride. That's what's being said here. And this will be explained more in detail, but now we come to the understanding what kind of type of love this is. Husband, love your wives.

How? As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That's quite astounding to me. I don't know about you. You're saying what's so astounding about it?

That I don't see any condition for love here. I don't see husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her only if your wife knows how to submit well. There's no condition here. And Spurgeon said it this way, that Christ loved the church before she was lovely. And husbands, you and I are called to love our wives not because she is lovely, you love her until she becomes lovely.

Just like submission is not conditional on the spiritual condition of a man. A woman doesn't choose to submit whether her husband loves God supremely or loves her super no. No. No. We have to understand that these things are completely dependent upon the individual's relationship with the Lord.

That this command to submit and this command to love is totally motivated by one's desire to obey the Lord Jesus Christ. And so it's not based on how you treat me. It's not based on how you are fulfilling your role. Once again, you don't see it saying here, wives, submit to your husbands and make sure that he loves you, or husbands, love your wives and make sure she submits to you. No.

No. No. There's no option there. You love her. Love her as Christ loved the church.

What what why is that important? This is this is very important for those who are not yet husbands or not yet wives. That if these commands are to be motivated supremely by a person's desire to obey the lord Jesus Christ, then you better find somebody. And if you're praying for a spouse, you better be praying this prayer. Lord, whoever she is to be, Lord, whoever he is to be, let him let her love Christ more than me.

Are you praying that prayer for your future spouse? Because I can tell you this, that if they love Jesus more than they will love you, they will love you better. If they place you in the position of God and pursuing you and loving you more than him, you're gonna be disappointed in your marriage. But please understand that if you're looking for a godly relationship, find somebody that is madly in love with God. And from that place, they will be able to fulfill their role towards you faithfully.

I hope that's an option. I hope that is primary in your search for a spouse because ultimately it will manifest in how they deal with you and how they live with you and how they cooperate with you. Find somebody that trembles at God's word. Don't don't don't settle it down for that person goes to church. Be careful.

Don't don't settle it for somebody that that seems to have this, you know, this presentation of godliness, but they are denying the power thereof. Find somebody that love God's word, that loves God, that trembles, that fears him because it will contribute to your marriage guaranteed. So we see here that there is a love that Christ gave specifically to the church, and it is to be imitated by men. He says here as he gave himself up for her. You know where everybody's mind goes to when they read that verse?

Where do where do people's mind goes to when they when they read that men are supposed to love their wives and the same way Christ gave himself up for her, men are to do the same. You know where everybody goes? They go to the cross. Everybody automatically goes to his death and rightfully so. But that is not the only thing and that is not the only way that Jesus expresses giving up himself of.

Because this is what you can limit this command to as a husband. You can limit this and you can shrink this command to this understanding that if I am called at any point in my marriage to give my life up physically for my wife, I'm to do it. If a robber comes into the house, pulls out a gun, he has one bullet, he looks at me and my wife, and and he says, who's gonna die? You're the one that steps in and you take the bullet. That's what we've kinda shrunk this command to.

And and, yeah, you are supposed to lay down your life, but Jesus expressed his emptying of himself more than just ultimately dying on the cross. Do you realize that? That when he gave himself up for his bride, he left the comforts of heaven to come and show his love for the church. That Jesus himself, when he was on this earth, refused to be distracted from the mission of demonstrating his love for his people. And so zoom out from the cross.

I know that's kinda scary to say, but zoom out from the cross, in which was his ultimate expression of his love. But zoom out and see what all the other things that Christ has done in order to come to that place of dying. And so husbands, it's not about you just determining within your mind. Okay. I'm gonna marry her and this is how I'm gonna love her like Christ loved the church.

If at any moment our lives are at risk, I'll I'll take the bullet. That's easy compared to where you're actually called to. Jesus did and demonstrated his love in different ways. And based on the observation of Christ's love for his bride, the husband ought to frame his love in the following way. So I understand Christ gave himself up for her.

And that's more than the cross, not limited to the cross, ultimately expressed through the cross. Yes. But understanding the fact that he left the comforts of heaven, understanding the fact that he came to serve and not to be served, understand that he was so focused on demonstrating his love as a mission. Husbands ought to lie love the wise in this following manner, being willing. Pay attention, husbands.

Pay attention, husbands, to be. Being willing at all times to empty self of all comfort and to embrace any type of sacrifice for the sake of the well-being of your wife. Two words if you wanna remember them, empty and embrace. You're willing to empty yourself of any comfort and you're willing to embrace any sacrifice. For what purpose?

For the sake of the well-being of your spouse. That's what Jesus did. And you might have an objection because that does not really sound like a leader, does it? You might be hearing that saying that sounds a lot more like submission than it does love. Emptying myself, embracing sacrifice.

That's not my idea of a leader. That's not my idea of what a head supposed to be. You know, Jesus addressed that same issue because this is exactly what God has in mind for you as a leader. In Luke 22, the disciples in verse 24, we're talking amongst themselves about who is to be the greatest in the kingdom. And you know this.

Jesus steps in and says, listen. You're thinking like the Gentiles. You're thinking like the world. And he says in Luke twenty two twenty five, and he said to them, the kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. But not so with you.

Now look at this in the context of marriage. Not so with you, men. Not so with you, husbands. Let the greatest among you become as the youngest, as the leader, as one who serves. Welcome to leadership in marriage.

That based on Jesus's mentality and Jesus's understanding of what leadership is, you as a husband, though you are the head and though you carry a specific type of authority, you are not called to be just a leader, you are called to be a servant leader. That makes all the difference. You have something now to work with. As a husband that desires to represent Christ, you do not have a dictatorship mentality in how you exercise your authority. This is way more about you making decisions in life.

It's you making decisions with somebody in mind and the well-being of who they are. And as you come to this place, you have to understand that my leadership has to be saturated with a desire to serve. And that servant leadership is clarified even more in the next verse in Ephesians five twenty six. Look what it says about Jesus' love. It doesn't just stop at giving himself up for her.

It says in verse 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, as she might be holy and without blemish. Oh, this is glorious concerning not only, yes, Christ and his love for the church, but the husband and the extent of his love for his wife. That Jesus, when he gave himself up for her, ultimately showing that on the cross, that his death was not just to purchase a ticket for his church to get to heaven. If that's your understanding of salvation, you have limited salvation. Based on 26, because he gave himself up for what?

That he might. There there's something that's following the reason why he died. And yes, it's for your justification. And yes, it's for your salvation, but it's also for something else. That he might sanctify her.

In other words, Jesus's death was the key to the door that would open up every heavenly resource for the church to be sanctified day by day into who she was called to be. That his death made provision for every spiritual blessing from high, from on high, to be bestowed upon his bride so that she could be transformed into who she was called to be. That's significant because this love now is something greater than just giving himself up. According to verse 26, it is also Jesus listen. Jesus being intimately involved with his bride on a day to day basis by nurturing her and investing in her into holiness and wholeness.

So he he shows his love in what? Yes, dying on the cross, but he also shows his love by being so intimately involved with her on a day to day basis in which he nurtures her, he cherishes her. This is Jesus for the church. He invests in her. He's near to her.

For what purpose? So that she can blossom into holiness and wholeness. Look at verse 29 of this very same chapter. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. So he didn't die on the cross and then separate himself.

He says, okay. Good luck. Figure it out. But the death on the cross was the means by which now he could come into and come to a place in which he can relate to his bride and invest in her in a way that he never could before. He sanctifies.

He cleanses. He gives attention. He supplies. And you know what sanctification looks like according to the word of God? You know what God has in mind as his mission to sanctify the church?

First Thessalonians five twenty three. Paul says this, now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. This is God sanctifying his church. And may your whole spirit and soul and body, spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. You know when God in in Christ giving his attention to his church, you know what he focuses on?

Your spirit and your soul and even your body. Your body is important to God. So he invests in your spirit. He invests in your soul. He invests in your body, which I think is amazing.

Because if a husband is supposed to imitate his wife, his his Christ and his relationship with his bride, then he himself as a servant leader who dies to self must also lead in such a way. In what way? That every decision that the husband makes, that everything that he does in his leadership role, you know what he has in mind? The well-being of the spirit, soul, and body of his wife. If Jesus gives that attention to his bride, brothers, you must also give your attention, your nourishment, and your contribution to the very same elements that Jesus does.

And this is important because there are a lot of men that are great at contributing to the physical aspects of the relationship with their wife, but neglect the spiritual. They neglect the soul. Some are really good at addressing the soul, but are not very good at addressing the body or the spirit. And what we wanna do is be like Jesus. We wanna be able to give ourselves to all those things that make up who a person is.

And husbands, when you love your wives, guess what? You're gonna focus on her spirit. You're gonna focus on her soul. You're gonna give attention to her body. And so what happens here?

The spirit. Let's talk about these things. And you single guys, I hope you're hearing me very clearly because I want you to understand something. Jumping into marriage is way more than you just having somebody to be sexually active with. Way more than that.

And if you're single in here, I want you to understand what you are getting yourself into. Why? Don't don't don't separate yourself from this teaching. Don't tune yourself out because you're not in that season of life yet. Understand that what you do now and how you discipline yourself now can have great contribution to how you treat your wife in the future.

So what happens? The spirit, as Christ is intimately involved with the spirit of his bride, so a husband is to contribute himself to the spirit of his wife. This is not to mean that a man is more spiritual than his wife. There are many people who are more spiritual than their husbands. What does it mean that for a man to lead his wife in in the manner of her spirit?

It means this, that you are to set an example and that you are to be the initiator of spiritual activity within the home and even with your wife. For a man to lead his wife spiritually and even his children in the future, you know what that means? That you are a person that is concerned about the condition of their development, spiritually speaking. That's what this means. And a lot of people fail to see the importance of that.

A lot of people fail to realize that a wife needs that, that a home desperately needs that. Turn your bibles to first Samuel chapter one. There's a story that I believe illustrates this about a man named Elkanah. Let's begin in verse three. First Samuel chapter one.

First Samuel chapter one, beginning in verse three. Now this man, Elkanah, used to go up year by year from his city to worship and to sacrifice the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phineas, who were priests of the Lord. So this you read that, this sounds like a faithful guy. This sounds like a godly man. This sounds like a man who does not neglect the duties of the temple, the tab tabernacle at the time.

He's faithfully meeting the feast and all those sacrifices. This sounds like a good person. On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Penaniah Penaniah, his wife, and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah, he gave a double portion because he loved her, though the Lord has closed her wombs. There's some physical contribution there.

There's there's blessing there. There's there's this understanding of awareness that I wanna be able to shower her with love in means of giving to her. And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her because the Lord had closed her womb. So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her.

Therefore, Hannah wept and would not eat. Now look what Elkanah does. He's a man that's attending the tabernacle. He's a man that's providing for his wife. But we see here a specific type of reaction to the to the agony that Hannah is experiencing.

Elkanah, verse eight, her husband said to her, Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than 10 sons? And I would argue that here is Elkanah meeting the needs, yes, of his wife in a physical level and now even on a soulish level.

He's attempting. Let's just say he's attempting to counsel his wife. Okay? But there's something missing with Alcana, I believe, significantly. Because after this, it says in verse nine and verse 10, she was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.

Hannah rose and she went to the place of worship and she found herself praying and seeking God in this matter. And you know who wasn't with her? Elkanah. I believe what Elkanah should have done you and I'll give you a reason why. What he should have done at this point was realize that he could pray for his wife, and he didn't.

You're saying why would you come to that conclusion? Because there was a man in the scripture who was faced with the very same situation and he chose to do it otherwise. Genesis twenty five twenty one, you don't have to turn there. But it tells us there that Isaac prayed to the Lord because his wife was barren. Do you know how many women, men hear me out, unfortunately are initiators of spiritual things in the home?

That they have to and there are things that in your life as a wife and your your life as a husband in which you have to meet with God on a personal level. First Corinthians seven is clear on that, that you should separate yourselves for time of prayer and then come back quickly lest Satan tempts you. But there is also an element in which there is a spiritual partnership. And I I see an Isaac here who realizes a need in his wife, realizes pain perhaps, realizes this distress. And what does he do?

He he comes in and steps in as a spiritual leader and he prays to God. And whether he prayed with her or prayed for her, I'm sure he did both, but he prayed to the Lord. And Elkanah here does not do that. And we see Hannah Hannah here initiating that and practicing that on her own. Men, you are called to be the spiritual initiators of your home.

To recognize, be sensitive, be alert, and to create that atmosphere in your relationship and amongst your children in the future. If there's any verse that I believe speaks so strongly of this, it's Deuteronomy six four and six. What does it say? Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You now imagine this is speaking to husbands now.

Let's let's contextualize it to husbands. You, husbands, shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these things that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Do you see do you see the instruction there that you as a man should be the one that knows how to sit at the dinner table and talk about what God has shown you in your devotional life.

You as a man should be able to converse with your wife about spiritual matters, Not forcefully. You don't you you wanna know how you can best fulfill this aspect as a leader, as a spiritual leader? Just be spiritual. You cultivate your own relationship with God and everything else will flow from that. You don't have to force it.

You don't have to try to muster it up. It will just be an overflow of what you already have in your walk with God. But I love the instruction that God gives. Listen. As you're walking in the house, as you're walking by the way, as you're sitting down, as you're lying down, when you put your kids to bed, you know what you're gonna do.

You're gonna pray with them. At the end of night, when you come with your wife, you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna pray with her. You're gonna wake up. You're gonna pray with her.

You're gonna open up that Bible from time to time. This is what man is called to do. And so many women like Hannah have to initiate it, unfortunately. And so I want you to understand that this is a great responsibility. Yes.

But it can be so easily attained to when you just understand that you have a walk with God that needs to be totally cared for before you can care for anybody else. And I remember hearing I just have a friend who's much older and he has a family and is actually his kids are our age, my age at least. And I remember when I first met him, we were getting to know each other and he had said something. And honestly, this is a sad thing, but for me I don't know about you, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air. Because when we were talking, we're talking about his walk with the Lord and everything else, and we got to talking to his family.

And he had said, yeah. For years now, we have family devotions. This night, we talked about this. We're actually going through this book right now. And for the longest time, the the beginning of the week, I would give a verse for the family on a on a on the chat that we have, and we try to memorize that verse for the week.

And I and I heard that this isn't a minister. This isn't a pastor. This isn't an evangelist. It's not even part time. This is just a businessman who realizes his role.

And when I heard that it was like breath came into my lungs. Why? Because you rarely hear that today. What has happened to family devotion? What has happened to family worship?

This is something that we have to understand as men, that there's a role to fulfill. I remember speaking to another young man who was my age and talking about his walk with the Lord. And he loved God and he he's actually in chemistry. He's not even in ministry or anything at all. He has a desire for it.

But I had asked him about his upbringing because whenever I speak to somebody who's a p k, a pastor's kid, or missionary kid, I I always wanna know what their family life was like, especially if somebody is walking with the Lord later on in life. And when I was talking to him, he had quickly gone to his parents and how they invested in him. And you know what he said? Now this is different for every person. His his his father was a pastor, but he had said, I don't remember a dinner.

One dinner. Number one, dinner was something that you can never miss. Family time, conversing was something that nobody could miss. We had to be there for dinner. And every time we finished dinner, so naturally would my father open up the scriptures and we would just talk maybe for fifteen minutes about the word of God every single time.

This is a person that's speaking of the influence of why he is the way he is. His father made an investment in his walk. Not in a legalistic way, not in an overwhelming way, simply because of the overflow of his love for God. It makes it so much more attractive, men, when you choose to simply take it upon yourself to love God with all your heart and let that seep out of what you do in your walk with your family. Don't force it.

Just love him. And what a tremendous responsibility for a husband. Why? Because the closest thing that your wife and the closest thing that your future children will see, a reflection of Jesus, is you. That the image that Christ wants to display through a marriage is Christ and the church and your kids are gonna watch that.

They're gonna evaluate that. Not just the spirit, but the soul. And what do we mean by the soul? If Christ sanctifies the spirit, but he gives attention to the soul and to the body, what does it mean soul? And this this message is not to make a distinctions between the different elements, a tri part being of man, spirit, soul, and body.

But there is one ingredient that makes up the soul and it is the emotions. That's at least one. The emotional aspect of a person is a is a facet of what a soul is. And the husband as a servant leader must also be aware of the condition of the soul of his wife. And this is where maybe a lot of men fall short.

Why should a man give attention to the condition of the soul of his wife? Because she's wired differently. I don't know if you knew that. That men and women are wired differently even emotionally. And what what do we what do what do we mean by that?

That women by nature are more sensitive, are more tender, are more empathetic, are more compassionate than men are. Now is that a weakness thing? Because you'd you say that to some ladies and they they're so you're saying I'm weak? Oh, no. No.

It's God's wisdom and his design. Because I believe the emotional nature of a woman is God's way of complimenting how she is to fulfill her call as a mother. This is just one reason. Can you imagine if a woman was not tenderhearted and compassionate trying to raise babies? Can you imagine if she wasn't soft to the cry of her child?

Can you imagine? But because of the compassionate, tender hearted, and empathetic nature of woman being built in her, she can appropriately cater to the needs of her family, especially her children. That's just one reason why that genetic makeup is there. That's one reason why God has built woman to be in such a way. But here's the reality.

Because that's a part of her nature, because she is wired in such a manner, it manifests in every aspect of her life in every relationship, including her relationship with her husband. And so she can't just turn it on and off. No. It's there. It's a part of who she is.

So what does that mean for the man? It means this, first Peter three seven. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives. That's an obvious one. Live with your wives.

I hope you live with your wife. Live with your wives, how? In an understanding way. In an understanding way. And part of you understanding your wife is understanding her nature, is understanding her emotional nature.

And being able to live with her in a way in which you were engaged with her emotions. This is where men really find some trouble. Because you know how men are wired? Men are providers. Well, at least most of them are, and you should be.

And we're gonna get into that. Men are providers and and maybe some of you can testify this about your own upbringing, that the way in which you know your father showed his love was by provision. He was a provider. He put bread on the table. He brought things to the house.

He wasn't very emotional. He didn't show himself to be very communicative. But how he showed his love was providing. But I wanna encourage you men that your wife needs way more than your hands. She needs your ears.

She needs your ears. Is that not true? That a man in which is engaged in a relationship should be aware and understanding of who she is as a person and he must sacrifice to some level the investment of himself into her soul. What does that mean? It means time to talk.

It means you understanding where she's coming from with a perspective that she carries on a situation, and you not immediately shutting it down. Get over it. What are you talking about? You're a man. One dimensional thinking.

Women think way different. They have all these angles on the same you see one thing you have once she has all these other things that are going around. And a man in which loving his wife must understand that she has that and you should not discourage that but know how to engage with that. You want harmony in your home, pay attention. If you want harmony in your home, you have to understand who she is.

Live with her in an understanding way. Give her your attention. Give her time to unpack things that she wants to talk about. Her dreams, her goals, her frustrations, all those things must be catered to as a husband. If Christ sanctifies the soul, you husbands also have to give that same attention.

And this is hard because a part of the lie that men are being faced with in society, there's so many extremes in manhood that are being presented. And one of them is this machismo, this macho man mentality. Meaning what? That if you're a man, you're aggressive. And if you're a man, you're insensitive.

And if you're a man, don't don't touch emotions. Don't engage with emotions. What about Jesus? Who is manlier than David? Was David a sissy?

And it's not this call to be ultra sensitive, but it's this call to be understanding. And men ought to understand as a servant leader, I'm going to be able to come to a place in which I can give myself to the soul of my wife and be able to understand her and being able to hear her and being able to talk with her. Think of a head in the physical sense connected to the body. The command center of the body. Right?

This brain tells my hands to do this right now, and and tells my voice to talk like this right now. But if that's all you think the head does, heads of the household, you're in trouble. Because you know what else the head does? The head recognizes when the part of the body is hurt. And it begins to now work in order for that hurt or that pain to be cared for and to be given attention to.

And if you're the head of the house, you can do the same. That is not just you being this brute man cave type of fellow that just does his part in provision but neglects his wife and the soul. Not just the soul, but the body. So So you look at first Peter three and it continues. Likewise, husbands, verse seven, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered.

So So he goes, listen. Yes. Live with her in an understanding way, but there's another aspect of this. You are to honor her. Honor her as the weaker vessel.

And this is mainly speaking physical. And so what does it say? It includes physical protection and physical provision for that helpmate. It includes you being aware that you are wired as a man to carry things that are heavier, to exert more energy. This is just true.

And even if there is the odd case where a woman in a relationship might be physically stronger than a man, guess what? The role is still given to the man. You sacrifice. And don't limit this just like many would limit Ephesians five twenty five where you just get a job and you work hard. That's part of it.

That is part of it. But remember, this is a servant leadership understanding. And so here are some scenarios. You worked all day, brother. You worked all day.

You're exhausted. And you come home and you got one fresh baby in that house and your wife is sick. She can't even get out of bed, guess who's stepping up to do dishes? Guess who's gonna attempt to cook dinner? Guess who's gonna step in and say, I'm gonna serve?

You think of another situation of even a man who might be in a place in which he comes alongside his wife. Even as a mother, that's her main role. That that's her main call in life. But because she is a weaker vessel, you would assist her. You don't neglect her.

There will be times where you will come home and instead of plopping yourself on the couch, you will come alongside of her and pour into her. Not only that, God forbid, if there's any time in which you're laying in bed with your wife and you hear noises in the 1st Floor, guess what you're not doing as a man? You're not nudging her and saying, can you go check who that is? You're going down in the middle of the night and you might have to clench your fist to protect your wife for whoever is there. I remember there was this one incident where I was my room was upstairs at the time and my sister some for some reason was outside with a friend and a man was attempting to break into the car, and she yelled at the top of her lungs.

And my first instinct was to run to my parents' bedroom because it was in the middle of the night. And I cannot imagine if I came in. I didn't even say this. I didn't say dad. I just said somebody's trying to break into the car.

Now can you imagine if my dad looked over to my mom? Honey, take care of it. I I got work in the morning. No. He jumped out of that bed and he ran.

That's your job as a man. You lay down your life if you have to. Doesn't matter if she's black belt and you're not black belt. You're still laying down your life. You're you're still gonna face that because that's what you're called to do.

And so it does mean provision. It does mean protection. But even in the little things that you would not even consider because God has wired you to carry more load. God has wired you to be stronger and that's not just so you can look good, so so that you can get work done for yourself. That's so you can contribute to your wife and to your marriage.

And if a husband treats his wife in a way that lacks understanding of her nature, and if a husband with contempt or with laziness or with neglect or even worse with harshness fails to serve her because she is a weaker vessel, there is something that will be at cost and that is your prayer life. This is so fantastic. You know why? Because so many people attempt to pursue spirituality at the neglect of their family life. And God is saying right here that even if you have a prayer life, it means nothing if you don't know how to treat your right wife right.

So important is this to God almighty that your relationship with your wife has direct consequences to how you experience God. That's why we believe that even if your ministry, your wife is more important than your ministry. Because even if you pursue ministry, it's missing an element that's God answering your prayers if you're not treating your wife right. You wanna know a spiritual man? See how he treats his wife.

See how he treats his wife. I could care less of how you can exegete a text. Let me come home to your house and see how you talk to your wife. I don't care how many mission trips you do. I don't care how many conferences you speak at.

Let me come home and sit at your dinner table, and when things are not going right, let me just hear how you speak to your wife. This is so important for us to understand. Men, you want us to be spiritual. If you wanna be a man of God, you better treat her and cherish her like Christ does the church. And that's why in verse 29 of Ephesians five, he says something so crucial.

For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it. Verse 28 says in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. You love her as your own body. Meaning what? You're one with her.

She's yours. You you're you're one together. It's amazing. It's so many husbands treat their enemies like their greatest enemy, their wives as their greatest enemy. But my bible says that she's your own body.

What kind of attention do you give to your body? What kind of care do you give to your own body? A man loving his wife is a person who leads with the wife's spirit, soul, and body in mind at all times. And I wanna make this charge to young men who probably didn't have that example growing up. You probably had an example of somebody who was able to invest physically and provide, but maybe you didn't see the example spiritually.

Maybe you didn't even have a father growing up. You don't have a model to follow. Maybe you've seen a bad example of what it means to love your wife. Can I make just this simple charge to you, brother? Look to Christ.

Look to Jesus, the ultimate bridegroom of bridegrooms. See how he treats the church and you follow that model. See how he invests in the church and you follow that model. Young ladies, do you wanna know how a man will love you? Do you wanna know how a person could be considered a future husband?

Look at his spiritual walk. Look how he serves in the church. Look at the investment that he makes in his own walk. If he doesn't make investment in his own walk, what makes you think he's gonna make any investment in your walk? And this is what I want us to close with.

And understanding that this is an opportunity for you young men brothers, I hope because Paul is addressing Christians and I hope I'm addressing Christians in this place. That if your desire is to look and live like Jesus, marriage is an amazing platform to do so. And so if you should be motivated by anything, be motivated by the exciting truth that you can radiate Christ with how you relate to your wife. And you might be overwhelmed. You're talking spirit, soul, and body.

Are you kidding me? I can barely keep my eyes open on my way back from work. The spirit is here to help you. The spirit is here to help you. And you can guarantee this, that there is the bridegroom waiting for you to fall on your face some days to to say, god, I need your help to be a faithful husband.

And he's right there to help. He's right there to invest. He's right there to impart. He's right there to stir your heart. And single men, please please for the sake of your future, for the sake of your marriage, don't get started when you find her.

Get started now. Don't get started when you put that ring there. No. No. No.

No. You get started now and you will make an investment to her as a byproduct. Not too long ago, a few of us were at a conference and we're seeing some people that we don't usually see. And a group of guys went out afterwards for just some late night dinner after the meeting. And one of them was missing.

Young man. And I'd asked, where's so and so? And he says, oh, he he has to be with his wife. She's, you know, she's going through some things and he's catering to her. And then the next day, we had called and FaceTimed and he was apologizing for not being able to make it out.

But he said something, and it's not just what he said. It's the way he said it that so blessed my heart. He said, I had to I had to be with my wife, and I had to just meet some needs there. And he didn't say it grudgingly. He didn't say it because oh, man.

You know how it is. Right? Like my wife, oh, gosh. You know, we need a boys weekend out, you know. He said it with such confidence and such strength and such love that my immediate response was, yeah, you're doing what a husband does man.

Do what you gotta do. If you're thinking about marriage young man, you are entering into a sanctifying process. And I believe like no other thing, will challenge you to look more like Jesus. And if you're entering into that season, selfishness, leave it at the door. It does not exist.

But you have now made it your ambition in life to love your wife above all things. Guess what? You love her more than your family. You love her more than your job. You love her more than your ministry.

You love her more than your anything. She is taking that preeminent position. And she can expect from you to draw out your love, to draw out your attention, to draw your affection, to draw your care. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that?

I was just thinking about going out and and giving myself over passionately to her. That's a part of it. That is a part of it. But do not forget that as you enter into that place and you say your I do's, you have now come into a place in which she has your service. She has your attention and you now, whether you want to or not, took the driver's seat of that car.

How are you gonna lead? And I pray that this place would be a place in which brothers can encourage one another. I pray that this would be a place in which I love this season of life for so many. You can start fresh now. You can build from the ground up.

You don't have to deconstruct now. You can start now. Now this will be a place that would put great, great emphasis on godly men and godly living. Let's pray. We did this last week and we can do it again this week.

Last week, we had brothers in this very moment praying for their sisters saying, Lord, would you touch my sister's heart? Would you show her the beauty of submission? Would you grant her the grace through that? Sisters, would you do that for your brothers? And maybe you're here with your husband, maybe you're not here with your husband.

But if you can just pray for your husband. Pray for your fiance. Say, Lord, give him the strength. Give him the motivation. Father, we come before you trusting in your word that you would never command something that you don't give us the power to fulfill.

And we pray for every man in this place whether single, engaged, or married, that Lord you would stir hearts to understand, yes, the weight of responsibility, but also the joy in being able to take this on in order to put on Christ. And we pray, oh lord, for every marriage in this place that no matter what our upbringings might be, no matter what we're used to, no matter what we're faced with, that just like a man is ought to to live, that there would be initiators, Lord, in marriages. No matter what atmosphere they grew up with, no matter what kind of maybe even God forbid abuse they might have gone through, Lord that you would give the men in here the strength to take it upon themselves to give himself up for their wives. And Lord, what harmony awaits for those who would take their roles so seriously. And we pray that that would be the case in this house.

Lord, protect the driver's seat. Protect the driver's seat of every relationship, Lord. Protect every man from distraction, from confusion, from weariness that might lead that car into a different direction. And Lord, bring every man to a place of alertness and strength and grace to be able to lead faithfully, lead as a servant, lead with no selfishness. And we trust that you will, Lord, raise up for yourself a people in here that will restore what's been gone for so long and what's so rare in our days.

And now, Lord, we worship you in song in Jesus' name. Amen. Would you stand with me? If there's anything that you can take out of this, take this. Take this.

He's a good bridegroom. He's a good bridegroom. And what an amazing thing in which we can serve a God who can exemplify for us what love looks like. We don't serve a God who's a tyrant. We don't serve a God in which, listen.

Did you come to Christ because he whipped you into submission? Did you come to Christ into did you come to Christ because of what? Even if you came to Christ in in a revelation of the fear of God, you still came to Christ through kindness. Because even in the revelation of his wrath to come and a revelation of his judgment that is to take place, the reason why you have come to him is because his kindness leads you to repentance. It ultimately brings you to that place.

And husbands, if you want to see your wives submit well, the best way to do it is to love them well. But let's worship the one who who sanctifies us, who invests in us, and who cares for us.